Administrative Note: Philip Chang, our family therapist/counselor continues with some parenting tips. Articles from ALL readers like you help Centre for Fathering broaden our network in sharing precious learning points on fatherhood. Please continue to send us your thoughts in comments, poetry, short essays etc. (within 500 words) keep sharing. However, the Centre reserves the right to decide whether to use material contributed by readers, as well as the right to edit such material.“I am bored….” or “Dad, don’t be so boring…”
Have you ever had this complaint thrown at you by your child? How did you feel?
Many parents will feel guilt one time or another. This is because our children have just told us that they are unhappy.
Fathers in particular have the greatest difficulty in handling family complaints because in general many of them assume that happiness is the litmus test of their fatherhood. After all, isn’t a good father one who brings happiness to his family? That is why many fathers feel guilty if ever their families give the slightest hint of unhappiness.
This is one of those destructive myths that fathers should quickly kill whenever it raises its head. The fact is that happiness is a feeling.
Firstly, a feeling is like the breeze. It comes and it goes. Now you feel it, then you don’t. Feelings change consciously and unconsciously. This energy is in motion all the time, like air that surrounds us – invisible and yet palpable.
Secondly, feelings are fundamentally subjective. Everybody’s feeling is personal and unique to her. No two persons can feel the same feeling, the same way, with the same weight even when the feeling is shared, like laughter. So you can’t own another person’s feeling, much less be responsible for it.
Thirdly, feelings cannot be denied. We can navigate our feelings but we cannot ignore them.
So the next time your child complains about feeling bored, just accept that she is sharing a feeling with you. You don’t have to be responsible for her feeling because she needs to learn to navigate her own emotions. What parents (especially fathers) can do, is to model how to accept the feeling and summon the power to choose the response.
The first step towards raising our emotional intelligence is to accept and own our emotions. Denial or any form of repression will only start a pressure-cooker effect that in time leads to impulsivity and outbursts.
What’s Happening at CFF
Adventure in Fatherhood
This is a father-child bonding camp. It’s designed to help fathers build closer relationships with their children through challenging adventure learning activities.
Date: Nov 23 - 24, 2007 (Fri - Sat) – please note a change of dates earlier from Nov 30 – Dec 1
Camp Fee: $390 per pair (father with ONE child only. Age: Pri 3 to Sec 1)
Min. 10 pairs to commence each camp.
Venue: OBS – East Coast Campus (East Coast Parkway)
Call Irene at 6252-8408 or email us at Irene@fathers.com.sg to register for the above event
Beginning Parenting Programme (BPP)
A monthly workshop to enable expectant couples to learn and share together with other couples at the same life-stage; and form fresh ties that will mutually enrich and support them for the rest of their lives.
Date: 27 Oct, 2007 (Sat)
Time: 2.00 – 6.00 pm
Registration fee: $20 per couple
Venue: Centre for Fathering at Blk 128A Lor 1 Toa Payoh #01-01, Singapore 311128
Call Irene at 6252-8408 or email us at Irene@fathers.com.sg to register for the above event If you find this e-mail helpful, please forward it to others who are interested. To subscribe or unsubscribe Fathering Matters, please send us a email at fatheringmatters@fathers.com.sg or check out our website at www.fathers.com.sg. Thank you.
